This Man Hates Facts

I've been wanting to put together a piece with some fun and interesting Christmas trivia for a few days now. I've visited many different websites and have come across a lot of cool information. The problem is I have no way of knowing what is true and what is totally made up. On one site the author informs me it would cost about $18,000 to purchase all of the gifts in the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas", yet on another site I'm told it would run upwards of $200,000. One site tells me 20% of people complete their Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and another tells me 35% is the number. So instead of doing this impossible legwork to validate these abstract claims and useless trivia, I decided I would just guess as to what I thought the best answer would be.

Percentage of people that believe Santa Claus is circumsized:
89%

Percentage of people that will forget a family member when distributing Christmas cards:
65%

Rudolph is able to turn his nose red by the process of bioluminescence. He produces abnormally large amounts of luciferin and luciferase.

Percentage of people that will be hungover at a family Christmas function:
45%

Jesus was born in May and he had a little baby twin conjoined to his back just like Andy Garcia.

In 1994 Santa Claus was stopped in Iran and held for two months on suspicion of spying. 29 million homes didn't receive a visit that year and were left thinking they had just been too naughty.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer was created by huge corporations to generate profit. I'm just kidding, I made that up. Actually Rudolph was created by a nice man named Montgomery Ward.

There are six million lights in the photo above. And there are 380,000 burned out lights in the same pic.

Frosty the Snowman lost 56 pounds this year and developed skin cancer but the climate is fine.

Muhammad Ali and Rocky Marciano fought on December 26th, 1969, in Vancouver, British Columbia, and that date has forever been known as Boxing Day in Canada.

Saint Nicholas of Myra's middle name was Richard. This led to a lot of confusion when children were given gifts by this nice man and they had heard others call him Nick the Dick in the past.

Percentage of Americans that would still say "Merry Christmas" to a person they knew was Jewish and didn't celebrate it:
92%

Santa's sleigh would have to reach speeds topping 4 million miles and hour to achieve his one night feat. This is why we don't teach math to kids until after the age of five or six. Pure convenience.

If Barack Obama wins re-election America won't celebrate Christmas in the year 2015.

The Founding Fathers were such believers in Christmas they wrote into the Constitution that by the year 1870 the United States should recognize it as a national holiday.

Percentage of people that will take one of these facts, believing they are true, and use them on someone:
65%

When someone wishes you a Merry Xmas they might not be diluting the day your Savior was born. They might be referring to the fact 'x' is the Greek letter Chi that is the first letter in Christ's name. So go on and celebrate a pagan holiday of cutting down a tree and tell your kids about a jolly fat man that flies around on magical reindeer and gives gifts to all of the children in the world in one night (after monitoring them all year to see if they deserve it) and enjoy the sanctity of your religious day.