My Candidate

My candidate is patriotic and wants to save our country from losing its freedom. My candidate doesn't believe in socialism or Marxism. My candidate loves the troops and wears a flag pin. My candidate was born in America and has a right to be the President. My candidate doesn't believe in activist judges and wants to create Constitutional Amendments. My candidate won't raise their hand if asked if they believe in evolution or if they are willing to compromise. My candidate doesn't believe in murdering babies but supports the death penalty. My candidate believes in the right god that looks after this nation above all others on the planet. My candidate never takes a vacation and has never purchased a foreign product. My candidate only gives interviews to one news network. My candidate isn't going to make you feel warm and fuzzy and give you false hope with nice slogans. My candidate's name sounds American. My candidate won't try to be friends with the rest of the world. My candidate will give back the Nobel Peace Prize if it isn't earned. My candidate will get the Olympics here in America. My candidate will make sure we don't teach our children sex education in schools. My candidate will make sure gay people are discriminated against. My candidate will take this country back. My candidate has a lot of kids and owned a successful business. My candidate knows the poor people are much more of a burden to us than the rich people. My candidate knows corporations are people. My candidate knows allowing the Fed to print money is treasonous. My candidate will instill fear in the voters to get them to turn out at the polls. My candidate doesn't believe in death panels and the death tax. My candidate will bust your union. My candidate isn't an elitist. My candidate won't use a teleprompter or give speeches at halftime of basketball games. My candidate doesn't care about credit ratings of our country. My candidate doesn't believe in stem cell research or universal healthcare. My candidate doesn't think we should waste our money exploring space. My candidate doesn't believe in climate change. My candidate understands the Second Amendment is the most important one of all. My candidate wasn't born in a big city. My candidate will make sure we pledge allegiance to God and won't allow mosques. My candidate doesn't believe in entitlements and won't cut my social security or medicare. My candidate will fight a war on a tactic, not a country. My candidate will win the war on drugs. My candidate knows we can never ever raise taxes again. My candidate will sign pledges before being elected. My candidate will dismiss facts and just say the same thing over and over again until it becomes true. My candidate knows Acorn is a fascist organization. My candidate will make sure you can have the freedom to choose your own light bulbs without government intervention. My candidate knows the right of return...right of return... is something to look at down the road. My candidate was called on by God to serve.  My candidate knows "liberal" is a bad word. My candidate won't come up with any new ideas but will attack the other side for not introducing a plan. My candidate will never surrender or retreat.





My candidate is Homer Simpson. Doh! You thought my candidate was going to be a Republican didn't you?