I am pretty open about my approach to my close friends and anyone that cares to know me at that level. It is because of many conversations with people that are very dear to me about this approach that I know it seems foreign to most people. I think the majority of them don't really believe me and think I'm explaining my philosophy tongue-in-cheek or simply kidding myself. The proof is in the pudding.
I don't have a favorite sports team at this point in my life. My friends that have known me most of my life would tell you I'm a Padres fan, a Cowboys fan, a Sixers and Flyers fan. I'm none of those. I was at some point in my life, but no longer. My friends that have known me most of my life would tell you I love to gamble on anything and everything. That's not me at all. At some point in my life that would have definitely be an accurate description of me. My friends that have known me most of my life would tell you I'm super competitive and have a strong desire to win at all costs. Not true at all. I don't deny that was me at one time. (I still win a lot but it's mostly just because I'm good. In other words, I can't help myself).
I completely understand that most people have no desire to take on my approach of simply observing. It doesn't seem "fun" or "interesting" or even "human" to people. All I can say is it works for me. However, there are still moments that occur in life that truly put this philosophy to the test. The Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman affair was certainly one of those moments.
I can honestly report that my discipline to adhere to this approach is as steadfast as ever. I don't deny there is an idealist that once existed in me and it still attempts to gain power and influence in my life when it sees an opportunity. And the "not guilty" verdict in the George Zimmerman trial was the perfect moment for the idealist part of my debilitated ego, something that once wielded great influence, to rear its head.
If I was the same person I was several years ago then I know how I would have felt when I listened to the court reporter clearly announce "not guilty". I would have felt like I was kicked in the balls. I would have been devastated, not by the simple fact George Zimmerman got away with killing a child, but moreover by the fact that reality was fucked.
I would have been troubled to be existing in an environment where people were overjoyed by the verdict and praised God for the blessing. I would have been sickened to live in a reality where people are ignorant to the obvious, the fucking obvious, racism that exists all around us. I would have been deeply bothered by the fact that the default setting is being totally cool with walking around with guns, ignoring the instructions by the police dispatch, approaching innocent 17 year olds walking in their own neighborhood, and then shooting a another person in the heart point blank because the confrontation that was self initiated didn't go as planned.
However, I was none of that. I was simply an observer. I didn't have a dog in the fight. It would have been too hard on me. Thus, I adopted this approach that removes me from those moments and my wants and wishes aren't factored into the equation of my experience.
O.J. got away with murder because a jury of his peers didn't trust the white cops. George Zimmerman was deemed legally within his rights to take the life of Trayvon Martin because a jury of Zimmerman's peers don't trust black people walking around in white neighborhoods. Why in the world would I let those facts bother me if they don't seem to bother anyone else? It would be a miserable existence, a painful one, if I sincerely cared about outcomes such as these.
Well beyond this one trial, thousands of black kids are unproportionately killed every year compared to white kids. A police officer is more likely to shoot a black kid with a wallet in his hand than he is to shoot a white kid with a gun in his hand. Blacks make up disproportionate numbers in our prison systems. Blacks were targeted in our last election and they had to wait hours in line to simply vote. Our president's legitimacy to hold the office was questioned and still a large percentage of our population sincerely believes he is a fraud and a plant. There are scientific studies that clearly show we are all racist to some degree. Minorities are racist to minorities, even their own race.
We have subconscious biases that dictate our actions and we have no honest dialogue about our reality and why it is the way it is and why we behave and think and believe the way we do. We celebrate the right to arm ourselves and stand our ground, even to the death, against one another and we have no idea why this is our reality. Half of the population feels like reality is "broken" at some level and the other half believes it's patriotic to kill and a blessing from a loving creator. People would willingly choose to take their children to a theater where everyone is armed because that makes them feel "safer". Over half of the population truly believes the world will come to an end during their lifetime. Climate change a hoax. Evolution is just a theory. Elvis alive. One would go insane if they sincerely wanted the world to be a better place and let the failure of achieving this outcome effect them in any meaningful way.
I am so thankful that my ability to experience the joy of reality isn't based on my desire to have reality cater to my wishes. I experienced a news story that gained national attention about a year ago. I experienced a trial that accused a man of murdering a boy. I experienced a jury acquit a man and validate a law that allows people to believe whatever they want when it comes to defending themselves and kill other people that are perceived threats. I experienced a family suffer and grieve. I experienced a family feel elation and freedom and patriotism and faith. I experienced a population that felt good about the outcome and I experienced a population that was pained by the outcome. What I wanted to experience and how I wanted to experience it are irrelevant. Those are only obstacles to obtaining happiness.
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjust the sails." ~ William Arthur Ward
